"Hey" he calls from the door
Go say something! Don't let him take Ricky to his room, going over to them "hey Nash could I talk to you for a sec?" I can feel my voice shaking but there's literally no reason to be nervous!
"Maybe later Ricky and I are gonna count our tips" please just let me get this off my chest
He turns to leave with Ricky and I should've let them walk away but I couldn't. "I think I might be homophobic" I say stopping both Nash and Ricky. "If I am I really need you to confirm it"
Turning around Nash looks at me serious then he turns to Ricky "mind if I deal with this and I'll call you later?"
"Yeah" Ricky walks to the door leaving, and we're alone. "Explain" He stands with distance between us
"I bought a pizza if you're interested"
"I'm not hungry" he shakes his head "why do you think you're homophobic?"
"Every time you're here with a guy it slowly started to bother me, then it wasn't just a guy anymore it was Ricky over and over again. I was fine getting over whatever you guys had going on but I think walking in on you kissing really confirmed it for me. That honestly made me feel worse than it should have, then I just kept thinking about what else you guys might be doing and the more I thought about it the more I felt sick. I'm sorry man I know this isn't fair to you but I had to tell you." Waiting for a reaction I got one I was not expecting Nash smiles even laughs a little "Forrest you're not homophobic" he confirms "you're just jealous"
"No, I don't have anything to be jealous about"
"I think you do, you haven't had a girl over since Bevin and I've been hanging with Ricky for weeks now. It's not fair to you that I'm getting some and you're not. I totally get it now" I don't think he understands because I wasn't jealous about that at all. "If it'll make you feel better I won't bring Ricky here, and we'll find you a girl ok?" Smiling he waves the whole thing off walking away.
That didn't go as planned I stare around confused. Jealous? Could I really be jealous of a gay guy? It's a Friday night and I'm spending it thinking about what Nash said in bed, I'm jealous of him, and
what Ricky? Fuck no if anything it's just Ricky, he's the one ruining everything. Wait...
Next morning I pace around my room feeling like I just figured something out, I just need Nash to wake up so I can say it to him and see what he thinks. This is crazy, this is fucking nuts! Why does my entire life feel like a fucking lie all of a sudden?
Impatiently waiting I hear the tv go off in the living room and I take deep breaths before going out there. Opening my door I see him on the couch holding the remote, he has on sweatpants and a plain t literally like me. Walking out I stop at the couch "morning" he looks over at me and smiles "I was gonna make some breakfast, you want?"
"Umm" I walked closer sitting next to him on the couch, "I think I realized something after our talk last night and I need you to confirm